Recently, I was picturing a character from the movie, "The Matrix". He was complaining that he would rather live in the illusion than in reality. I know the feeling. There is something seductive and tantalizing about being in the illusion.... denial of responsibility... a pretend everything is alright. I remember back to my first drinking experiences in college. I liked the "freedom" that it seemed to buy me. Inhibitions removed, courage enhanced... It felt great! I could escape my reality for awhile and enter an illusion. One day last year, I was working with a colleague at one of our training courses and I felt my whole world literally shift. It seemed to right itself to ground zero. If felt as if someone was holding a level, a construction measuring instrument, to my world and it was now even... level. I had the impression that I had been looking at life from a tilted back angle and now I was even with the ground. The rest of my day was incredible! It seemed as if something dropped away from my eyes and I could really see! Everything looked and felt so vivid and real. It was a truly conscious moment for me about what it meant to be awake. I liked it! I wanted more. There is something so gratifying in really being awake and present for your own life. All of it, not selected bits and pieces. The whole thing, in living color! Several years ago, I had a dream that I was back in High School. I had shown up for a field hockey match without my proper uniform. I recall the strong desire to play and the ensuing frustration at not being able to. I felt my mind trying to figure out how I could get back home, collect my things and make it back on time. I really wanted to play and it was apparent that I would have to sit this one out. Blocked! While still dreaming, a detached part of me suddenly became very conscious of the fact that this was a dream. That awareness really grabbed me. I realized, "Hell, this is my dream and I can decide how things are going to go!" I immediately gave myself the right stuff. Black skirt, black and gold top, black and white socks and cleats. I totally bypassed figuring anything out. I simply envisioned the done deal and off I ran with sheer delight to play one of my favorite sports! Lucid dreaming. Eyes open in the illusion. How about eyes wide open in reality? That is what I am playing with right now and I am loving every minute of it! I have gotten a taste for the real thing and I do not want the watered-down version anymore. Why would I want to get drunk or high on chemicals now, when I can get intoxicated off of precious life in the moment? Life. All that there is. Real not memorex. I want my eyes wide open, consciously engaged in the game of life, appreciating the intricate twists and turns, loving the curve balls, the dips and the highs. Hands up in the air, hair blown back... having the ride of my life! |
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